Monday, August 27, 2012

Some People

I church on sunday Rial and I got to go to his cousin's farewell. It was a miracle sunday. I didn't have a headache, not even a little one. For the last 3 sundays I have skipped out on sacrament meeting due to monster headaches and only gone to primary b/c Rial can't teach our class by himself.

I was so happy to be able to finally partake of the sacrament again. Though we did miss the opening hymn and prayer. After announcements the organ began to play as usual, and then the lady right behind me began humming along, off-key. And then singing, off-key.

I started to feel annoyed, but then another miracle occurred. I remembered a little boy with brain damage I knew and have sung count-less songs with, and I thought of how poorly he sung by the world's standards. And I thought of how pure his heart was and how I felt the first time I heard him sing "I Am a Child of God", and I knew of God's love for this women and His pleasure at hearing her sing praises to Him. I wished my heart could be that pure.

Perhaps this lady wasn't like the little boy I knew, but if not, I admired her courage at not caring what the world may think of her voice, but raising it up and praising her God through song.

Either way, I was blessed to hear her sing off-key. It strengthened my testimony and made me want to be a better person.

Friday, August 10, 2012

maybe this time?

There must be a lot of people praying for us and our future children, because we made it past the dreaded week 7. And it kind of lit a fire in me. All of a sudden, I had to, I needed to be seen by somebody, anybody that could tell me what was going on. I called, and called. Then another miracle happened and I was able to be seen as a new patient on the same day.

I cried after I hung up the phone. I was going to be seen. For so long no one would see me. And now I was going to be seen, my unspoken fears and concerns were going to be addressed. I was so unbelievably happy.

The doctor ordered some blood work to check my hormone levels. AND I was going to get an ultrasound asap to check viability and an uncertain due date.

I cried again during my ultrasound. There was a real baby inside of there. A baby I watch moving around inside of me on the ultrasound screen. A baby that had arms and legs, and even fingers on its hands. I watched it little heart beat. It had a healthy heart rate of 170 beats per min.

Can you see his/her little hand and fingers? Its harder to see in a still picture than when watching the ultrasound movie. Sara the tech told me that based on my baby's measurements he/she was 10 weeks and 1 day +/- 5 days old. 

I feel so crazy blessed to have this. I know I could still miscarry, but I don't feel like I'm just waiting for the inevitable anymore. Its like, proof that we really do have a chance. And all the baby and pregnancy stuff I just couldn't think about before, well, its just nice to be able to. 

So keep up the praying and I'll do my best to eat with my nausea, and hopefully by march 5 2013 Rial and I will finally get to join the parent's club.