Bummers

Last Friday we miscarried. Its a hard feeling to describe. Well, its not just one feeling, its really a process of feelings. Impatience to be pain free, numb, absorbed in others and distant from myself, loneliness, overwhelming saddness, the loss of a dream, hope for tomorrow, and the regret of having to share such saddness with others.

Oh how I wish we didn't tell everyone we were pregnant in the first place. Its become such a laborious chore to tell everyone I meet up with the sad news. I hate it.

I also hate how little information there is on the internet about this. From what I gleamed from the internet and what people have told me about their experiences, this go around wasn't a viable pregnancy, as there was no baby that was developing, which is why my body let it go. It is easier knowing that though. But i still cried when I saw the cute baby clothes at the store on saturday and realized I had no reason to even consider buying them now. Luckily Rial was with me and was able to steer me away so I didn't cause a scene :).

And so now we're back to the waiting game